By Bunmi Sofola
WHAT is your conception of love? It’s a question that has inspired
everyone from Shakespeare to Sinatra and now scientists believe they
have found the answer—and it is not in your head, it is in your heart!
According to their research, Dr. Andreas Barlets and Professor Semir
Zaki say new insights that could solve some of the mysteries surrounding
love has been revealed.
love
For example, is the love between parent and child the same as the
emotion felt by lovers? And, are the kinds of love we feel for friends,
parents or pets actually separate, different emotions or are they all a
single feeling in various forms?
“Science say that the reason we fall in love is simple—love brings
men and women together so that we can mate, pass on genetic material and
ensure that the human race survives,” says part of the reports.
“The love we feel for children is there to make sure that they too,
live to grow up and pass on their genes in turn. But the human brain is
complex and exactly how love helps us along the road to mating has never
been revealed.
Until now.” Neuroscientist Dr. Barlets and Prof. Zaki at the
University College, London, measured brain activity in 22 mothers who
viewed pictures of their own children, then other children they know.
They also show the mums pictures of their partners, a best friend,
and an adult acquaintance. The two scientists found love of overlap
between the brain areas activated during feelings of romantic love for a
partner and those involved in maternal love of their own children.
These brain cells are the same ones we use when we are doing something
pleasant—eating and drinking for example.
“But certain parts of the brain seem actually to shut down when we
love someone,” continues the report. “The prefrontal cortex, which helps
us make judgments about other people, switches off when we’re in love.
And, when we think about our children, areas that deal with negative
emotions such as fear and aggression are deactivated. That could explain
one of the great mysteries of life.
Why we don’t notice obvious faults in our partners and kids, love, it
seems really is blind. “The research also shows why it takes so long to
see flaws in people we idolise, and why we can end up choosing the
wrong person to commit to. But when our love cools, our brains wake up
to reality again—and we find ourselves looking at those we once loved
with different eyes.
Additional experiments have shown that love can affect us in
different ways, depending on whom we feel affection for. “When we look
at our husbands or partners, we activate a part of the brain called the
hypothalamus, which in turn pushes out chemicals to arouse us sexually,”
continues the report. “But the hypothalamus doesn’t respond when we
look at our children.
Love for our kids seems to be connected to the part of the brain that
helps us to recognise faces. Children and babies change so quickly that
our face recognition machinery has to keep updating itself. But this
area isn’t very active when we think about our partners. So, perhaps,
nature intended us to stay with the same person for our whole lives.
“Communication forms a big part of love. And, in order to communicate
well, we have to develop insight into what’s going on in other people’s
mind so that we don’t offend them and can please them. It should,
therefore, come as no surprise to discover that areas of the brain that
help us pick up on the signals others give out are active in romantic
love.
It seems that part of the reward of being in love comes from
understanding that someone also loves you. But once again, these areas
aren’t so important in parental love. So, knowing that our children
don’t feel about us the same way we feel about them doesn’t stop us
loving them.”
Thanks to these two experts, we now know that when we fall in love,
our brains numb down and rule our hearts. That’s why we rush into sex
and produce children we also love, no matter what. And, although this
may sound a very unscientific way of doing things, it is worked so far.
http://www.vanguardngr.com/ https://web.facebook.com/EmmyLoverCommunicationsSuperLoveStudioz,
Brittany: The first thing that attracted
me to Kevin was his assertiveness. We both noticed each other at the
Freshman mixer but he took the initiative to approach me and strike up a
conversation, which I was impressed with. As we got to know each other
over the first few months, I realized how caring and genuine he is,
which is something that I truly appreciate years later. He is always
looking out for my wellbeing and making sure that I am happy, sometimes
even over his own happiness. I feel very safe and secure when I’m with
him and I’m confident in his ability to lead us and our future family.
As a young black woman who is very independent, it’s very
reassuring to have a partner that you respect and trust to make the best
decisions for you and your relationship.
Another trait that I admire about Kev is his adventurous
nature. Sometimes he goes overboard, like jumping off cliffs on vacation
[side eye], but I can honestly say that he does motivate me to step
outside of my comfort zone and be more fearless.
When It Was Time To Discuss Marriage…
Brittany: We always talked about marriage
as a goal eventually, but I didn’t get serious about it until I finished
grad school. When we decided we would move in together. I set real
expectations that I didn’t want to be a girlfriend forever, but I also
didn’t want him to feel pressured. I wanted him to feel 100% ready
because this is a serious commitment that we both needed to be prepared
for.
Kevin: We talked about it over the years. I
think it’s a natural progression of a relationship to talk about your
future, which for me included marriage. I knew that once we moved in
that within a year I was going to be ready to make that big step!
How She Balanced Her Career With A Long-Distance Relationship
Brittany:
Honestly, it was easy to balance when you have a partner who encourages
you to go after your dreams. We have both been each other’s biggest
advocates when it comes to motivating each other to be our very best.
Kevin was very understanding when I had to make time to study and make
time for friends at school. My education has always been my number onr
priority and something that my parent instilled in me from a young age. I
just had to have faith that if Kevin and I were meant to be, it would
work out in the end (and it did!)
Being in a long-distance relationship over the years did
have its challenges, but we made sure to set weekends apart to visit
each other and made the most out of the times we spent together. We had
the opportunity to explore two different cities (Philadelphia and NYC),
which made our dates even more fun. We would use FaceTime every night
and text to check-in throughout the day to helped us stay connected. We
both realized that this was a temporary sacrifice to pursue and build
our careers to eventually begin building our long-term future together.
How He Got the Family Involved
Kevin: Generally, I like to think about
things from a long term perspective. Months before I knew that her
family was traveling from Maryland to New York to visit family that was
in the Bronx. It just so happened to be the same week that my family
flew my grandparents up from Florida to surprise my grandma with a
birthday party, which had all of her family and friends. I knew this was
my time to strike!
Knowing the time frame all I had to do was plan something I
felt was worthy enough to demonstrate my love. I told her family and my
family that I wanted to have a brunch for Britt’s birthday which was a
few days before. I also called her best friends from Maryland and told
them they need to make this brunch. Overall, I think that it worked out
with over 50 of our family and friends able to attend. I takes a village
to cultivate a relationship so I felt it important to have them invoked
if possible.
Popping the Big Question
Kevin: I can admit now that I was slightly
nervous. I wasn’t nervous about actually proposing, but more so nervous
that my plan, which took sometime to plan was going to be executed with
precision.
The
day started off with us waking up early and having to first visit her
family in the Bronx. Her parents and grandparents traveled that same day
from Maryland to visit Britt’s great uncle who just had a knee
replacement surgery. We make it to the Bronx at around 11am.
It was great seeing her family, but that was not my main mission of the
day.While we were mingling with her family, I was texting my brother
and one of my friends throughout the morning to ensure that the brunch
location was set! Britt loves to be around family, needless to say it
was a challenge to pry her away from them so that we could make it to
the brunch location on time. We ended up taking an Uber Executive and
finally arrived to the pier around 1pm.
Previously, I told Britt that my brother wanted to take some photos for
his website and he wanted to involve us. Given that she was dressed,
hair done, nails done, perfect!
Upon meeting my brother and his now fiancée at the pier, we
began taking photos, partially to stall as people were arriving late of
course and so that I can start thinking about the moment to come. We
started to walk down the pier towards the brunch location. My brother
and his fiancée started to fade to the back as Britt and I walked up.
Now at this very moment in my head I thought well it’s time–man up!
Finally it was just me and her. I had her face the west side overlooking
the water and New Jersey. I got on one knee and expressed how much she
truly meant to my life and that I wanted her forever. Once the ring came
out, she was shocked! I then had her turn around and about 50 yards
away were 50 of our closest family and friends! Her reaction made it all
worth it!
Planning their destination wedding to Jamaica
Brittany: Since both of our families are
from Jamaica getting married there was kind of a no-brainer for us.
Since he planned the engagement, he jokes that I am responsible for the
wedding, but he will definitely be helping me to make the decisions. We
want an outside wedding with either a waterfall or beach backdrop.
Overall, we just want it to be one big party with friends and family.
Like Kevin mentioned, we are super family-oriented so my biggest wish is
that all of our friends and family will be there to help us celebrate
our union.
Kevin: I think that I am most looking
forward to being in the presence of family and friends. I want our
wedding to not only to solidify the union between Britt and me but also
solidify the union of the village of family and friends that helped to
cultivate our relationship.
BY JIMITOTA ONOYUME
PORT HARCOURT: Community leaders have been urged to help halt attack of telecom facilities in their areas.
Executive Vice Chairman, Nigerian Communications Commission, NCC,
Professor Umaru Garba Danbatta who made the appeal during the NCC’s day
at the ongoing Port Harcourt international trade fair said part of the
challenges the telecom industry was facing in the country was incessant
attack on their facilities by youths.
Represented by the Commission’s Deputy Director, Consumers Affairs,
Dr Yemi Ayetubi, the Vice Chairman said some youths lock out base
stations, steal generating sets installed by service providers for their
operations and also steal diesels for the generating sets.
PARC
CADEAU 2, Haiti — Along this arid strip of borderland, the river
brings life. Its languid waters are used to cook the food, quench the
thirst and bathe the bodies of thousands of Haitian migrants who have
poured onto its banks from the Dominican Republic, fleeing threats of violence and deportation.
These
days, the river also brings death. Horrid sanitation has led to a
cholera outbreak in the camps, infecting and killing people who spilled
over the border in recent months in hopes of finding refuge here.
Nearly
3,000 people have arrived in the makeshift camps since the spring,
leaving the Dominican Republic by force or by fear after its government
began a crackdown on illegal migrants. Some, born in the Dominican
Republic but unable to prove it, cannot even speak French or Creole, Haiti’s main languages, showing how wide a net the Dominican government has cast.
Haitian
officials have done almost nothing to support them. The population is
scattered across the drought-racked southwest border, mostly barren
plains. Families of eight sleep in tents fashioned from sticks and
cardboard. They drink river water, struggle to find food, and make do
without toilets or medical attention.
Now
stateless, the refugees exist in the literal and figurative space
between two nations that, along with their island, share a history
steeped in hostility. Some of the camps were created decades ago, during
another iteration of their troubled pasts, but had long since been
abandoned. Now, in a new cycle of tension between the nations, they are
packed to capacity once again.
The plight along the border is reminiscent, on a smaller scale, of the devastating 2010 earthquake, which claimed the lives of 100,000 to 316,000 Haitians
and summoned a wave of billions of dollars in aid. Even today, more
than 60,000 displaced people still reside in tent cities around the
country.
Only
this time, the upheaval is man-made, the result of the policies of the
Dominican Republic and the seeming indifference of the Haitian
government. The authorities in Haiti do not even formally recognize that
the camps exist.
“I
haven’t felt normal since my son died,” said David Toussaint, 55, whose
9-year-old boy was one of at least 10 people in the camps to die of
cholera. Officials say more than 100 people have been infected.
He
lifted himself from a bed his family built in their tent, covered with a
frayed tarp. He spends his days there, immobilized by grief. An acrid
smell filled the hot air as dust swirled into the tent, cloaking
everything.
“This is no way to live,” he said.
PhotoFamilies wash clothes in the river that runs by Tête à l’Eau, Haiti, where many who fled the Dominican Republic have settled.Credit
Meridith Kohut for The New York Times
When
the Dominican government announced that all migrants in the country
illegally had to register this June, mass deportations were feared.
Those later rounded up were taken largely from remote areas, and bused
quietly to border crossings. In total, more than 10,000 people were
expelled officially, with nearly another 10,000 people claiming to have
been kicked out as well, according to the International Organization for Migration.
But
in this climate of fear, an even bigger phenomenon emerged: Tens of
thousands of people of Haitian descent decided to leave the Dominican
Republic on their own, rather than risk deportation, including some who
were born on Dominican soil and knew nothing of Haiti.
To
choose hunger and squalor in the camps over the risk of staying in the
Dominican Republic is, on the surface, a puzzling decision. But history
looms large between the two countries. Dozens of Haitian refugees said
that, when the law was announced, their neighbors began to intimidate
them, threatening to burn down their homes and steal their animals.
For
many Haitians who have lived in the Dominican Republic as laborers for
generations, such threats are not idle. The mass murder of 9,000 to
20,000 Haitians ordered by the Dominican dictator Rafael Trujillo in
1937 remains etched in the minds of Haitians young and old.
In the current atmosphere, even outrageous threats gained traction.
“They
said they would drop bombs on our homes,” said Milo Brevil, 38, as he
built a new house in the blazing heat. His wife had just given birth in
the camp. “When they said they would kill us, I departed with my
family,” he said.
PhotoPoor sanitation has led to a cholera outbreak. A woman fetched river water last month.Credit
Meridith Kohut for The New York Times
Biene
Jemel, 28, and his two brothers said the same farmers they had worked
for threatened to burn down their home if they did not leave.
All
three men say they were born in the Dominican Republic, though like
many Dominicans of Haitian descent, they have no proof of that aside
from their language skills. Their Spanish is native, far better than
their Creole. None of them speak French. The brothers are among a group
of refugees who are, in essence, stateless, belonging to neither country
but with nowhere else to go.
When
Mr. Jemel fled, his children stayed behind with their mother, who was
able to secure birth certificates for the children and documentation for
herself. It has been six months since he has seen them, and he does not
know when he will again.
“Imagine, it’s impossible for me to see my own kids,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t belong here.”
There
were dozens of others with similar stories, Dominican in every way but
the one that mattered: paperwork. A few nodded in agreement. Many had
begun the process of registering, waiting for months only to find out
they did not have sufficient documentation, no formal birth record.
Few
if any international donors have contributed during this crisis, in
part because it is so much smaller than the earthquake was. And so far,
cholera, which was brought to Haiti for the first time by United Nations
peacekeeping forces, has been much less widespread than it was after
the earthquake. The disease has now spread to the Dominican Republic,
which is dealing with at least three confirmed cases of its own,
officials said.
PhotoIn Anse-à-Pitres, Haiti,
thousands reside in camps of tents, having left the Dominican Republic
by force or by fear after its government began a crackdown on illegal
migrants. Poor sanitation has led to a cholera outbreak.Credit
Meridith Kohut for The New York Times
The
Haitian government’s efforts here are hard to see. The first lady and
prime minister both visited, handing out their aides’ cellphone numbers
to community leaders. When they tried, the residents said, the numbers
did not work.
The camp where the Jemel brothers have settled, Tête à l’Eau, is a testament to the many crosscurrents of history.
Ensconced
in the mountains over the Pedernales River, it was a fully inhabited
village some 30 years ago, and the thatched homes of that era still
exist, as do the corrugated roofs and buildings of stone drawn from the
riverbed.
But
until recently, it was a ghost town. How it came to be filled by
refugees, in many respects, is an echo of how it came to be abandoned
for decades.
During
the 1980s, as tensions with the Dominican Republic flared, cross-border
violence became common. The people of Tête à l’Eau, seized by fear,
eventually fled. Some settled up the mountain, but no one remained.
Then,
this past spring, Haitians began arriving once more, driven by the same
impulse: a flight to safety. Houses long empty were dusted off. The
families living above the valley, some of whom had fled the village
decades before, welcomed the new arrivals.
PhotoBiene Jemel, left, and his brother Albel Jermain Cherise, were born in the Dominican Republic.Credit
Meridith Kohut for The New York Times
Borno
Altino, 28, whose relatives fled the valley before he was born and
moved higher into the mountains, sat along the dirt road that runs
through the community, gossiping with residents.
“There’s not a lot of company up there,” he said, smiling.
The
surge of refugees has breathed new life into the areas near Parc Cadeau
2. On Sundays, its church fills with people in their finest garments,
belongings salvaged from past lives. Inside the facility, built from raw
logs and thatched palm, followers fill the dry air with the Gospel, in
French and Creole.
Eugene
Toussaint and his wife moved to the area in 2002, frontier people
determined to establish God’s word on the margins of society. They built
a church and a school.
But
few came. So they closed the school and continued praying with their
tiny flock. And now tragedy has brought them a new one, and enough
children to reopen the school.
“There was no one here back in 2002,” Mr. Toussaint said. “God only knows why we came.”
Other
migrants find refuge outside of the church. They make jokes, play
dominoes. In one camp, residents converted an abandoned tent into a
dance hall.
In
another, Chrismon Gules, who has spent 12 of his 20 years in the
Dominican Republic, has fashioned a guitar from an empty plastic jug, a
hand-carved piece of wood, two wooden tuner pegs and a pair of
corresponding metal wires.
His voice, airy and high-pitched, matches the folksy twang of the guitar. He draws a crowd when he plays.
His tunes of choice: Dominican pop songs.
A version of this article appears in print on December 13, 2015, on page A12 of the New York edition with the headline: Haitian Migrants Flee Dominican Republic for Camps Along Border . Order Reprints|Today's Paper|Subscribe
Sheikh Zakzaky Remains In Military Custody - Nigerian Army Source | Sahara Reporters
The news that Mr. Zakzaky remains in the custody of the military shows
not only that Mr. Buratai has been lying to the public, but military
officials are attempting to cover up last week’s massacre.
aharaReporters has learned from an army general in the
Nigerian military that Sheikh Ibrahim Zakzaky remains in military
custody, contrary to statements made by Army Chief of Staff Tukur
Buratai to the public.
Sheikh Ibrahim Zakzaky after being attacked by the Nigerian military
Sahara Reporters Media
The army general speaking to our correspondent on the condition of
anonymity stated that Mr. Zakzaky is currently held in a military
facility in Kaduna State. The high-ranking source also disclosed to our
correspondent that only soldiers had access to Mr. Zakzaky.
SaharaReporters spoke with a member of Mr. Zakzaky’s family yesterday
who told our correspondent that no one had directly communicated with
him since his arrest by the military. The Nigerian army carried out a
massacre of Shiite Muslims in Kaduna State last weekend after claiming
Shiite protesters attempted to assassinate General Buratai.
It is believed that the military murdered several of Mr. Zakzaky’s
family during the massacre and subsequent raid on his home. The military
also demolished a shrine belonging to the Muslim group with little
explanation why they chose to bulldoze it.
The news that Mr. Zakzaky remains in the custody of the military
shows not only that Mr. Buratai has been lying to the public, but
military officials are attempting to cover up last week’s massacre.
Human rights groups and international organizations have condemned
the Nigerian military for denying Mr. Zakzaky his human rights and not
allowing him to have legal or proper medical assistance.
Former Minister of Petroleum, Mrs. Diezani Alison-Madueke, is not dead,
family sources have said. This is coming shortly after the rumours of
her death went viral online few hours ago. Something is however not
‘right’ as her family members are said to now be in a critical meeting
over her health condition, if I am allowed to quote Sahara Reporters.
But she is alive.
